Showing posts with label things that could only happen to 23-year-old women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label things that could only happen to 23-year-old women. Show all posts

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Further Proof That My Life is a Joke

This weekend, I am in a bar making out with a boy my age who I'm actually sort of interested in.

How lovely and rare, I know. He's a med student, skinny, cute, intelligent, pleasingly aggressive for someone who spends a lot of time in Williamsburg. Things appear to be working as they normally should: I meet boy. I kind of like boy. I kiss boy.

Then I pull out chapstick, and this conversation happens:

Boy: Is that chapstick?
Me: What?
Boy: Did you, uh, just moisturize your lips?
Me: Uh...yes?
Boy: ... Can I have some?
Me: .... yes?

Boy takes chapstick from me and SNIFFS it.

Boy: What flavor is it?
Me: ....... pomegranate, I think?
Boy: Really? It seems like something else.
Me: .... oh.
Boy (holding chapstick up to light): Yeah, see, it's strawberry.
Me: ..... oh.

As if this wasn't about the strangest thing that could possibly happen, the boy then nonchalantly continues making out with me.

About 5 minutes later, he asks me to come home with him. When I say no, he apologizes for being so "alpha male."

Which is weirder: that this occurred in my life at all, that this boy can have that conversation and still worry that he's alpha male, that he might actually still BE an alpha male despite this, or that I would still be willing to see this person again?

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Moments in the life of....

This actually happened:

It's 1 am and I'm in a bar in Hell's Kitchen filled with freakishly tall blonde men in suits. I assume they are either in a frat or re-living their frat days, since they are loudly chanting something about "suck dick" and chugging things. I am waiting in line for the bathroom, hoping not to be noticed. One of the frat man-boys approaches me.

Man-boy (smiling): I'm not sure who got in line here first, me or you.
Me (not smiling): I'm not sure either. Luckily, there's one bathroom for women and another for men.
Man-boy (winking): I didn't think it mattered.

I can think of no good answer to this. I exit the bar as soon as possible.